When I was talking to the mad scientist about what super power he should give me, I didn’t believe that anything he would do would actually work. So I said flight.

Well, now I can fly. But unlike Superman, who apparently is an alien in a chiseled Scandinavian man’s body, I am a 37-year old desk worker.

So when I fly, instead of wearing tights and thrusting my fist into the air to fight crime, I slowly lift from my chair and float to my destination with the same hunched posture that I sit at my desk. I look like a floating potato. And because floating potatoes don’t have great aerodynamics, I spin head-over-foot through most of the flight.

By the time I get to my destination — which is normally the nearest gas station, to get some snacks — I am incredibly dizzy.

Charlie O’Toole

Former Court Wizard to the Once and Beloved King Ogmios

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